Cardinal
Legends abound, throughout generations, of how the Cardinal is a messenger from beyond, bringing tidings from past loved ones and appearing as if by will at just the right times. Adorned in red majesty, it isn’t difficult to believe there is something more, something magical, to these beautiful creatures. The Cardinal is my favorite of the birds.
2018, shortly after my best friend Kenny left this world, in our former backyard, above the banks of the Cahaba River, the Cardinal visited me.
2021, my brother Greg left us. We were all unprepared, as always is the case, devastated to this day. Shortly after, in our new home at the foot of a mountain in the heart of Birmingham, the Cardinal visited me.
Spring is springing in Alabama. The rains have squashed the remnants of drought, Hosta and Fatsia plants are poking through the ground, the birds are ravenous around the feeders, bar patios are filling up with friends itching for fellowship, the hum of mowers reminding the zoysia to keep in line in order to come up tall and right, carpenter bees taunting us with their scary dances and laughing at us at the same time.
And, it has been a hell of a week. I am not alone, we all have periods when we are just ‘off’. While I can blame the recent time change that has disrupted sleep, that accusation falls short in the court of reality. I have made mistakes at work this week, I have felt depressed, down. Good advice: Pay attention when something is off. Like a dart to my heart, I woke up on Wednesday to the remembrance that I am one year removed from being in St. Louis with my brother Jeff during our parents’ final breaths in this world. Two weeks worth of walking the halls of a nursing facility with no answers, helpless, knowing that Mom and Dad were moving on. This period was hands down the most difficult period of my life. These experiences don’t just go away, and people don’t just ‘move on’. These moments are there, morphing and evolving and reminding in mysterious ways. It takes time, and loss is something we all deal with ALL of the time.
Our parents were laid to rest, after dying within 24 hours of each other, on Saturday, March 25, 2023.
We came back home to Alabama. The Cardinals visited me.
I have been a Kacey Musgraves fan since Carole Hughes, a historic air-personality (and even greater human being) of one of the great American country radio stations, KFDI in Wichita, KS gifted me a vinyl copy of Kacey’s ‘Same Trailer, Different Park’ album. I was on a short career stop during 2013/2014 at KFDI, and this new artist simply had something different about them that appealed to me. Shortly after returning to Alabama in 2014, I saw Kacey perform at the hallowed Alabama Theatre in Birmingham, watching as she quietly climbed the stairs to stardom that has since reaped her an armful of Grammy’s, multiple hit singles and albums, and world wide fame.
For fans, fame breeds anticipation, and along with millions of others I have been anticipating Kacey’s new album release, ‘Deeper Well’. Through two heavy-hitting advanced singles and impacting media appearances such as Saturday Night Live, the record company gods have properly prepped the market for Deeper Well’s release upon the world which came at midnight last night.
My morning routine is simple: Most days, I turn on three short meditations on the Calm app and sit for a few minutes with some wave sounds by the artist Kehlani which were produced to help with tinnitus and to calm anxiety. Then, I do my New York Times puzzles, in order: Wordle, Connections, The Mini, and my favorite; Spelling Bee. But, on Fridays there is a twist. Fridays are new music release days, and I look forward to taking a look and listen to what new audio treats may be out there. Today, however, was focused straight on ‘Deeper Well’.
After my mediations, I opened up the Apple Music app and immediately went to the new Kacey album and pushed play. “Cardinal”.
Opening lyrics to Kacey Musgraves, “Cardinal”:
“I saw a sign
Or an omen
On the branches
In the morning
It was right after I lost a friend
Without warning
Words unsaid
Scarlet red
Cardinal
Are you bringing me a message from the other side?
Cardinal
Are you telling me I’m on somebody’s mind?
Don’t leave me behind” 1
It’s been a hell of a week. My morning has included a few tears, laughs, reminders that those who have moved on just may be watching, perhaps with a word or two for us; encouragement.
March 15, 2024, this morning: The Cardinal visited me.
“Cardinal” from the Kacey Musgraves album, “Deeper Well”. Written by: Daniel Tashian, Ian Fitchuk, Kacey Musgraves
Thank you, Scott, for sharing this powerful, open-hearted piece. So much loss in what seems to be a short amount of time, it would be understandable to completely shut down. That you found the cardinals, the guides, in your moments of grief shows a willingness (likely, grudgingly) to face the raw suffering with your eyes and ears open. Music has a way of providing a soft landing place in times of overwhelming pain. I can see how Kacey's "Cardinal" offered you that place. I so admire Kacey's directness, even when she's adding a metaphor, there's no hiding behind vague imagery.
Your morning routine sounds like the perfect self-care ritual. It sounds like a routine I need to incorporate in my life right about now.